and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
