im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
