dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
