Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
