I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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