I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
