Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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