he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
