new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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