he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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