It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
