My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found puke in my bra..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
