My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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