dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
