Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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