She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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