You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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