Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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