You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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