i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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