Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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