A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
