Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Randomize
