Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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