I look better un-naked...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
