Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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