And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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