I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
