Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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