Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
