she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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