WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
