I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
