Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
