So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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