Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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