he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
