Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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