u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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