i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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