Where is the hickey?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
