I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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