I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
