He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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