possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
