The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
