ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
