Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
