Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
