im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
