Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
