Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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