he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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