I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
