i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
