You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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