i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
