dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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