I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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