Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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