We named our party play list daddy issues
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
