Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
