I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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