There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
