All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
