We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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