1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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