24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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